Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Path

My heart is hurting today as I try to reason out my inability to love the way I aspire to. Why is it that my God who loves me and seeks me and redeems me... has left me still such a flawed individual? The truth is that this walk with Christ is often difficult and overwhelming for me. He has beckoned me to follow down a road that I do not know. It is the road of true transformation, and it is a treacherous way- not graded for the faint of heart.

There are times that I feel like I'm doing well- that I've traveled this road long enough to meet new obstacles with skill and grace, but then I find myself slipping and falling, crashing into the jagged rocks below. Schedules get squeezed or money gets tight or tragedy happens, and I react badly to the ones I love. I am mean and selfish, and then ashamed and saddened. I am left in a heap covered in scrapes and bruises wishing I had chosen my steps more wisely. So often I travel unaware of my own weaknesses. I plow ahead down the path, confident that I can reach the summit alone, until I am down on the ground again, nursing my wounds and searching for my healer.

My Jesus, how do I learn to walk with you... to be led by You?

How do I become one who speaks Your words and lives Your love?

I do not know. This is a road I have not been down before. But You invited me here, so I will continue walking it. I confess that I am not skilled or strong or wise, but my hope is in you, my leader, my guide. Lead me further on, down the path that leads from old to new, selfishness to selflessness, from a dim understanding. . . to a face-to-face encounter.

6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Phil 1:6 (NLT)

1 comment:

  1. Oh dear friend...none of us are wise or strong. And I am only beginning to learn that my weaknesses were given to me so that Jesus can shine through them. The Holy Spirit uses them to let other see himself.
    It's not me. It's not even about me. It's about a surrender to the one who loves me, made me, and loves just to hear me utter his name.
    It's not about my poor performance, or my striving. It's about my dependence. It's about my surrender.
    "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus....just to take him at his word."
    Loving you.....