Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Is our marriage doomed because we fight?

     My man and I have been working through some issues lately.  I guess it would be more accurate to say that I have been working through issues, and my husband is plodding through them with me.  I have a love hate relationship with seasons like these:  seasons where everything seems to be hard, and emotions are raw.  I hate these seasons for obvious reasons.  They are hard.  I love them because I know it will end; and when it does, it will produce something good.  When my darling husband and I throw down and really battle through the tough spots, ultimately, our marriage is refreshed and made stronger.  It is strengthened, rather than destroyed, because we have committed to stay and fight.  

     Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof's book, Parenting Beyond Your Capacity says, “Every family fights, but there is a world of difference between when you fight with someone and when you fight for someone,” [p. 101]  Families are messy.  Marriage is messy, but when you have chosen to fight for your spouse difficulties become the rich, black soil of real growth.  

     My marriage has faced some dark days.  There have been some hard battles fought here, and I believe that it is because of them, rather than in spite of them, that my husband and I are so deeply in love.

     If you are in one of those tough seasons, I encourage you to fight for your beloved.  Don't let issues go unresolved or hurts fester.  Battle through them. Don't accept a luke-warm marriage.  Fight for a great one!  It is worth it.


  1. "fight with someone" "fight for someone", great revelation there.

    I also don't like the dark seasons :) I've found this verse always helpful - weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning - i love mornings! yet without the nights - the striving and conflict and darkness, i'd never have my wonderful morning. thanks for this reminder today

  2. You are speaking from my heart here, friend. I totally agree that some things need to be fought about in marriage and that it does produce the rich soil of love and bonding when we work through them with God's help. I saw a post recently from another blogger encouraging couples to never argue. I understand where she's coming from, but feel like there's so much that needs to be "fought for" in marriage that I couldn't disagree more with her admonition. I'm so glad to have you join the WW link up too! I hope to see you every week. BTW, I'm going to pray for this difficult season you are facing as well! :)

  3. "Don't accept a lukewarm marriage" -- I love that!

    We pursue excellence in so much of what we do each day, and then we just let our marriages be...and they wane, problems fester, and they lose their effectiveness.

    Our family has been through a different kind of dark season, but I can testify that we are all stronger because of it. Hang in there! Great words today.