Is our marriage doomed because we fight?

     My man and I have been working through some issues lately.  I guess it would be more accurate to say that I have been working through issues, and my husband is plodding through them with me.  I have a love hate relationship with seasons like these:  seasons where everything seems to be hard, and emotions are raw.  I hate these seasons for obvious reasons.  They are hard.  I love them because I know it will end; and when it does, it will produce something good.  When my darling husband and I throw down and really battle through the tough spots, ultimately, our marriage is refreshed and made stronger.  It is strengthened, rather than destroyed, because we have committed to stay and fight.  

     Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof's book, Parenting Beyond Your Capacity says, “Every family fights, but there is a world of difference between when you fight with someone and when you fight for someone,” [p. 101]  Families are messy.  Marriage is messy, but when you have chosen to fight for your spouse difficulties become the rich, black soil of real growth.  

     My marriage has faced some dark days.  There have been some hard battles fought here, and I believe that it is because of them, rather than in spite of them, that my husband and I are so deeply in love.

     If you are in one of those tough seasons, I encourage you to fight for your beloved.  Don't let issues go unresolved or hurts fester.  Battle through them. Don't accept a luke-warm marriage.  Fight for a great one!  It is worth it.

Enlisted Life

Eleven years ago I enlisted.  I enlisted into the ranks of motherhood.  Since then, I've worked  hard to learn  the drills .   Learning the formations and keeping pace is an on-going challenge.  The daily drills look something like this:

Drill 1- Feed, Clothe, Clean, Do it Again

Drill2-  Nurture, Educate, Correct,  Do it Again

Drill 3- Buckle, Drive, Talk, Listen, Scream, Wait, Do It Again

Drill 4- Balance, Save, Pay, Shop, Do It Again

March, march, march, two, three, four...

Left, left, left, right, left....

  I'm marching.  I'm marching all day, and by six o'clock I'm crashing.  So, when I hear keys at the door, I am thrilled.  It's time for the changing of the guard.   In walks my prince, I hand him my rifle (figuratively speaking, of course) and off I flee to solitude.   Or at least, that's what I like to do.

But lately I've been reevaluating.  I feel like I have been running on empty.  So I wonder what do I really need to be refreshed?  I think the thing I  want is a little pleasure.  I'd like to feel  good and feel valued.   Who doesn't?  It's awesome being "mom", but sometimes I'd like to be "me".

 

But what is a woman to do?  Hmm.  Maybe God has already given me what I need.   A couple of weeks ago a bell went off in my head.   I have this fabulous, sexy, romantic man living in my house, and I'm using him as a night shift nanny.  Don't get me wrong-I'm all about shared labor.  But, I want it all!  

So, I decided to conduct an experiment.  (Thanks to Dr Laura, author of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.)  When my husband got home, I would stop what I was doing and enjoy a real, unhurried kiss from him.  I would start to notice all the kind things he does for me, and thank him.  I'd try to be a little less sensitive when he was tired or grumpy, and give him the understanding that I expect from him.  I'd treat our evening together like they were dates- with or without kids I wanted to laugh with my husband and enjoy him.

And, so far, life has been delightful!  I feel refreshed by the same evening routines that seemed so difficult before.  My husband has returned all of my affection and appreciation ten fold.  It's so nice to remember that I am loved and desired.  It's always there, but sometimes I don't slow down (or stop grumbling) enough to appreciate it.   

 

Happy Valentine's to all you hard working mamas out there!  May it be your best one yet.