Camping Out at "Half-Way There"

     When I am standing on the shore opposite of the promise, there is a choice.  I can settle here, or I can cross over.  The choice seems simple on the surface.    Why would I settle for something less when I know "the more" has already been promised to me, if I just keep going?

     Today, I find myself camped out at "half-way there", and I want to stay.  It is not amazing, but it is not awful either.  I have worked hard to get here.  However, my wise pastor challenged us this morning to open ourselves to being changed.  He said, "Just because you are comfortable, does not mean that you are not in a desert."  As he spoke I leaned forward, feeling the sand shift beneath my feet.  
     God made a promise to Abraham to settle his people west of the Jordan River.  He was to give them a land to call their own that was flowing with milk and honey, a place where the roots of a nation could go down deep into the soil and raise up from it generations and generations of faithful people. 
      In Joshua 1, God's people stand on the edge of the promise.  Their new leader, Joshua, listens as God directs his way:  "Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them.  I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses."  God goes on to say, "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go."  And He concludes with the promise, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” 
    Joshua clutches hard onto the promises of God, and steadies his gaze on the path forward.  Then, he faithfully leads God's people across the Jordan and into the land God had given them.

    God has a promise land for me as well.  I have walked long in pursuit of it. My  eyes fix hard on the path for a time, but then I shift and look to the left or to the right.  I get weary and set up camp.   
    When I am honest about this land of "half-way there", I see that the joy is thin here.  In this land, hard words fly, and peace is a struggle.  The voice of God is so very, very soft.  I strain to hear it, but then I lose my focus.  The effort is too much.  This place makes family hard and purpose blurred.  No, this land is not awful.  We can make it here.  But I have been given the promise of more.  

    I do not want to raise a family here in the desert.  I want to push on towards the land of "more".  So once again I stand, take a hold of my Fathers hand, and ask for his spirit to lead me on from this place.  This is the hard path of complete submission to God.  The strain of releasing control, pulls hard against me, but the promise pulls harder.  The call of joy is echoing.

 Psalm 16:11

You make known to me the path of life;

    in your presence there is fullness of joy;

    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.   

    

1 Peter 2:9  But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;

Have you gotten stuck in the land of "half-way there"?  What helped you to start moving forward again?  I'd love to hear your comments.  :)

The Frugal Hoosier... or something like that

If you are a fan of the TV show, The Middle, you know the Frugal Hoosier.  The Frugal Hoosier is the scratch and dent grocery Frankie Heck shops at.  (I loooove The Middle!)  I laughed so hard the first time it was mentioned in the show.  Bargains is our local version of the Frugal Hoosier.

    Twenty years ago, I would not even buy generic spaghetti sauce. The thought of eating it made me gag.  Flash forward two decades and five kids later, and now, I buy generic stuff all the time, and I love shopping at Bargains.  In fact, I get a little giddy as I fire up the mini-van and head out for my monthly shopping trip there.  It's true; there is a slight odor, and some items are a bit grimy.  (I never leave there without giving my hands a thorough dowsing of hand sanitizer.)  But, oh, what wonderful treasures I find!  Kashi cereal for $1.89 a box, Power Bars at 10 for a $1, Pepperidge Farm bread for $1.35 a loaf...the list goes on.  It's amazing. 

Part of the fun is that I usually go with good friends.  We head out early on a Saturday and make it a girl's day.    We laugh and take turns hunting out the bargains.   I love doing life with these gals.  Most of us are stay-at-home moms, trying to stretch one income to cover all the needs of our large families.   When other ladies are heading over to the mall to freshen up their wardrobe, we are digging through boxes of canned goods looking for the ones with the fewest dents... and having fun doing it.  We know this is just a season, and we all feel so blessed to be home with our kids as they grow.  One day I may go back to shopping at a nice clean grocery store and start buying Prego again.  Then I will come home and join my friends for a cup of tea.   We will sit on my porch and reminisce  about the good old days when our homes where wild with children and we had Saturday excursions to Bargains.

   
*If I have sold you on Bargains, here is a place to go for more info.

Is our marriage doomed because we fight?

     My man and I have been working through some issues lately.  I guess it would be more accurate to say that I have been working through issues, and my husband is plodding through them with me.  I have a love hate relationship with seasons like these:  seasons where everything seems to be hard, and emotions are raw.  I hate these seasons for obvious reasons.  They are hard.  I love them because I know it will end; and when it does, it will produce something good.  When my darling husband and I throw down and really battle through the tough spots, ultimately, our marriage is refreshed and made stronger.  It is strengthened, rather than destroyed, because we have committed to stay and fight.  

     Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof's book, Parenting Beyond Your Capacity says, “Every family fights, but there is a world of difference between when you fight with someone and when you fight for someone,” [p. 101]  Families are messy.  Marriage is messy, but when you have chosen to fight for your spouse difficulties become the rich, black soil of real growth.  

     My marriage has faced some dark days.  There have been some hard battles fought here, and I believe that it is because of them, rather than in spite of them, that my husband and I are so deeply in love.

     If you are in one of those tough seasons, I encourage you to fight for your beloved.  Don't let issues go unresolved or hurts fester.  Battle through them. Don't accept a luke-warm marriage.  Fight for a great one!  It is worth it.

Alien Mama

God has given me four precious children to care for and to love, and every fiber of my being wants the very best for them.  Yet, I am unable to fully be the mother I want for them.  I hope to model Christ to them, yet, even on my best days, I fall miserably short.    And before you say that I am being way too harsh with myself,  I want to remind you that Christ himself says "be holy even as I am holy".  

So, I wrestle with God.  He called me to be holy, and I want to be holy.  But I am not holy.  I grumble and whine; I am unkind and rebellious.  Heck, I may even throw in a lie and a cuss word, to boot.  So, I ask Him, "How can that be?"  Scripture tells us that if we follow Christ he will make us a new creation.  If we believe in Him, we will be born again.

I have believed.  I do believe.  So, what about the rebirth, the new creation?  I see it in myself in part, but, certainly, not in full.  Did God leave me out?  Did he get stuck in the middle of my transformation and just leave me unfinished?

Or did I misunderstand what His new creations will look like?   In church on Sunday, my heart was pricked and my mind stunned.  I began to consider that perhaps the essential transformation of the believer is not that of sinfulness to holiness, but of independence to dependence.  

Christ speaks of God's people as being aliens or foreigners in a strange land.  We have become like astronauts living on the moon or scuba divers under water.  We are beings living in an environment totally foreign to us and completely incompatible to our survival.  Divers and astronauts do not survive on their own strength.  They are sustained by an air source.   As Christians, we can not survive on our own strength.  Our air source is the breath of God flowing through tubes of grace.

If I am going to get up in the morning and be kind and loving,  it will be born out my dependence on Jesus .  My own goodness does not come from some thing I did in the past, but from the living Christ moving through me at that moment.   Moment by moment- breath by breath...we imperfect people live out the incredible dreams of God.

For you fellow mommies out there who go to bed at night exasperated by your own inadequacies (because little people are so good at helping us to see them).... please, breath.  Breathe deep the breath of God, and know his grace is sufficient for you (and for me.)  You are dear to the Father and His mercies are new for you at every moment and every breath.

Enlisted Life

Eleven years ago I enlisted.  I enlisted into the ranks of motherhood.  Since then, I've worked  hard to learn  the drills .   Learning the formations and keeping pace is an on-going challenge.  The daily drills look something like this:

Drill 1- Feed, Clothe, Clean, Do it Again

Drill2-  Nurture, Educate, Correct,  Do it Again

Drill 3- Buckle, Drive, Talk, Listen, Scream, Wait, Do It Again

Drill 4- Balance, Save, Pay, Shop, Do It Again

March, march, march, two, three, four...

Left, left, left, right, left....

  I'm marching.  I'm marching all day, and by six o'clock I'm crashing.  So, when I hear keys at the door, I am thrilled.  It's time for the changing of the guard.   In walks my prince, I hand him my rifle (figuratively speaking, of course) and off I flee to solitude.   Or at least, that's what I like to do.

But lately I've been reevaluating.  I feel like I have been running on empty.  So I wonder what do I really need to be refreshed?  I think the thing I  want is a little pleasure.  I'd like to feel  good and feel valued.   Who doesn't?  It's awesome being "mom", but sometimes I'd like to be "me".

 

But what is a woman to do?  Hmm.  Maybe God has already given me what I need.   A couple of weeks ago a bell went off in my head.   I have this fabulous, sexy, romantic man living in my house, and I'm using him as a night shift nanny.  Don't get me wrong-I'm all about shared labor.  But, I want it all!  

So, I decided to conduct an experiment.  (Thanks to Dr Laura, author of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.)  When my husband got home, I would stop what I was doing and enjoy a real, unhurried kiss from him.  I would start to notice all the kind things he does for me, and thank him.  I'd try to be a little less sensitive when he was tired or grumpy, and give him the understanding that I expect from him.  I'd treat our evening together like they were dates- with or without kids I wanted to laugh with my husband and enjoy him.

And, so far, life has been delightful!  I feel refreshed by the same evening routines that seemed so difficult before.  My husband has returned all of my affection and appreciation ten fold.  It's so nice to remember that I am loved and desired.  It's always there, but sometimes I don't slow down (or stop grumbling) enough to appreciate it.   

 

Happy Valentine's to all you hard working mamas out there!  May it be your best one yet.